dying and dyeing

7:45 am

                I did wake up quite early this morning, but just didn’t want to get out of bed. It was warm and cozy in there, and cold out of bed. I had left my curtain up (in the hopes that the earlier morning light would convince me to get up earlier) and there is a great view of the trees across my neighbor’s yard. Of course now they are all stark and naked, beautiful against the dull morning sky. As I watched, just lying there too lazy to get up, 2 squirrels scampered across the branches. It was so fun to see. From that distance, they were tiny miniature squirrels, but so clear and perfect in silhouette. They only stayed a few minutes, leaping about, one paused for a bit, tail up, tiny perfect squirrel in the open weave of branches, then they were gone. It made me think about dying. Ok. Seems like a stretch. It’s my M-I-L that has me thinking about dying, since she is the one in the process. I know, I sound terribly crass and I apologize. To whom? Anyway, she has been really angry about having to face the fact that the chemo etc is finally not working, and that things really are shutting down. Now who the hell can say how anyone “should” react when they are dying. It seems that they have every right to react any way they damn well please. Or rather that it is quite probably not up to them, they react how they react. But I do think it is sad that she cannot seem to find any way to take in whatever pleasures she can find for the short time left. She hasn’t until very recently been in any especial pain, but from what I have heard from K, she doesn’t seem able to enjoy anything. She’s just been so mad. It seems like one could get such pleasure, years worth, out of watching 2 squirrels in the trees. Who the hell knows how any of us will be when we get to that final point; will it be fast with no time to even realize what is happening? Will it be a long slow ordeal? I do have the sense that the body really works to hang on in whatever way it can. Dying is not easy. The body fights it all the way. Still, I would wish that, if I am aware enough, and not in incapacitating agony, I could just appreciate things as much as possible: images, sounds, tastes and smells, the way something nice feels if there is anything nice to feel (I’ll try to be sure to have some angora around).

                Well, that is all very philosophical. Now on to the mundane: K is gone to NC, G is busy most of the time, I will be quite footloose and fancy free all week. And it is not at all a bad week in terms of grading. How lovely. Maybe I’ll cook something interesting to bring to lab tomorrow. Oh, the pot of beans that has been sitting on the woodstove for 4 days is finally cooked! They are nice and soft. I’ll have to think of something to do with them – sauté up some onions, add the beans, wrap them in tortillas (I wish I had corn). I remember those incredibly tasty suppers of black beans and handmade flour tortillas in Guatemala. Of course, the beans were left over from lunch and were fried up with lots of lard….that makes anything tasty! The pots of woodstove dyes are working well, too. I have 3 small chunks of blue angora, 

and right now 2 reds are doing. I need to get some roving out to dye up so I can put together some spinning kits to try to sell at the Hartsbrook fair. I assume nice colors would appeal more than just white.

Here are two wrist warmers I also finished that will be at the fair.

I think I will also bring the drum carder inside and do some carding. I am hoping I can get hold of my friend. She was going to come over on Sunday but never called, so maybe she’ll come over today. I know she wanted to do some carding. I have finished the dark grey spinning

and have started the scarf for the woman at work.

I think it is kind of wide, and will thus take a long time and lots of yarn to knit, but it will probably turn out really nice. Probably way more than $70 worth of yarn and time, but that’s what I told her it would be, so I guess I have to stick with it.

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