8:20 am
Been getting
up really late these days. Lazy bum I guess, but also I have not been sleeping
well and I can blame it in part on the dog. He has not been sleeping well and
that makes for rough nights for the rest of us. I have an appointment to take
him to the vet tomorrow. They, as happens with doctors in general, will
probably have no idea and won’t say much. Well, he also has that lump near his
butt and we may need to get that removed.
Boy have
I also been in the worst mood. Happens when classes end. I guess I no longer
have that schedule or stimulation to keep me going. just grading. The college
is being completely closed Dec 23 – Jan 2 and after that the prof is off to a
conference to SC so we need to figure out when we are doing grades. I am annoyed
(mad, upset) because of his announcement the other day that he will not be
teaching next fall (which I expected) but that his post-doc will probably also
not be here (the dept has to way limit the number of visiting faculty it hires)
so who the hell knows what I’ll be doing or teaching, but probably not this
course we worked so hard on. It may never be taught again, who knows.
Another
mood factor is having the girls here. Makes no sense, right? I am so glad they
are here, I really like seeing them, I want them around so much…. But it is
also stressful. And it is not always such a happy thing. They don’t really seem
to want to be around me very much, they do want to be together which is good,
they just seem to see me as an intrusion and more annoying than anything. And they
tell me how annoying I am and when I do things wrong. It is wearing. And sad. Remember
the days…when I was the center of everything. When I was the best and they
loved me most of all. Well those are gone. Expected, normal, how it should be,
but still hard as hell. And it just feeds my own crap of feeling inadequate and
unimportant etc etc etc. oh well. There will be some good things.
Tonight
we’ll go to Wed Night Dinner so that should be good. Latkes. I need to make
something with squash to bring. Tomorrow we were invited to the neighbor’s
across the street – annual Solstice gathering. We’ll see how that is. I may
bring more roasted kale which is what I brought to the bio lunch. Only I think I
may have eaten too much of it and maybe that is why my stomach felt so bad
yesterday. I’ve been having a lot of trouble with the regurgitation thing. It is
annoying, uncomfortable, and after it happens for a while (after pretty much
every meal) it gets painful in my throat. One thing to try is really slowing
down when I eat, keeping things very unstressful, and eating not very much.
Today:
grading, bunnies, make the squash thing, get out the gifts I have and see if I still
need to do any shopping. I do want to go to Michaels to get picture frames for
the photos of the girls I printed up.
Good stuff,
I did manage to meet with the new tax person for mom and I met with a financial
advisor that he knows. He pretty much reinforced what I already knew which is
that there is not much sense in moving all Mom’s stuff anywhere and that we
should stick with the guy she has. He’s doing the best he can. We just need to
keep better track of her spending and all. It is good to have done all that, not that I feel
like it is off my plate so much, just not on top of the pile anymore. But the
pile is still way too big and that’s another chore for the day: keep on plugging
at that. And maybe just maybe I’ll do more spinning. In fact I know I will
because to some extent that keeps me sane? Or just that I am compelled? It is a
good thing to do when the girls are together in the kitchen and I want to be
nearby and to listen, but they don’t necessarily want me in the middle of
things. I can’t hear everything they say, but at least I feel like I am kind of
part of it all.
Here's some photos of my booth from the latest fair, just to add a bit of color:
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