Randomness

9 am

                What loveliness – a snow day! K had to go in, G does not, and I will not go to work. I told the spinning students that we would do spin class on Thursday.

                Now. How can I make these pages more productive, less plodding? There is value in just reviewing the past day and anticipating the day to come, but it would be nice to be more creative. That’s not really what I mean. Go into more depth? Explore things more? I don’t know if typing is the way to do this. This might require actual hand-writing. I can’t go in depth if I am looking at the screen and worrying about spelling or typos. Well maybe I won’t and I will just correct them later.

                A writing prompt. A watch. Don’t know why that popped into my head but it did. Time. What about time. Always the lack of it. Hurry hurry hurry let’s go up and at ‘em. Time is certainly fluid. It can rush along like gangbusters or it can creepy creepy. And the creepy creepy is not always just when it is something terrible being lived through. The creepy creepy can also be wonderful. When one is just sitting doing not much, sitting just quiet and smelling the flowers so to speak. Those times when I was in the hospital or at home recovering and I would just lie and watch my hands make interesting patterns. Time tick tick ticking . a watch tick tick ticking. Dad’s gold watch that I have in my drawer. Dad’s big wrist watch that needs a new battery. My small wrist watch that needs a new watch band. Hmmm. They all seem to need something. Is it time itself that is somehow lacking, or just the instruments? And of course we all have just our allotted time on this earth. I tend to be something of a procrastinator. When it gets to the crunch for things I tend to chastise myself for the time wasted, why didn’t  I start earlier? Why did I waste time? Why didn’t I get more done when I was not rushed? When I come to the actual end of my time will I feel that way? What will I regret (I’m a big one for regrets)? Will there be something that I wished I had accomplished? Will I wish I had done more useful things? Will I feel terribly guilty that I didn’t do more to help the world for the future? Or that I let so much ecological destruction occur without giving my all to fight like crazy? This is a common and recurrent theme. Not sure how to explore it further. I don’t think I want to “give my all” I want some of my all just for me and for things I like to do. Is that selfish? Well, it sounds silly to say that is selfish. The reality is that I do a lot for my family and the household and all that. There always seem to be lots of “duties.” That is not the same as selfishly doing just what I want, but on the other hand, doing stuff to keep up our little house is not especially helpful to the greater world. Does the greater world need my help? If global warming continues unabated, much will change very drastically, but I don’t believe life will come to an end. Life as we know it might…. But life itself will continue and evolution will continue and it might just be that the great nexus of humanity will be in the past.

                Well this is interesting. I will need to go back and check the typos and I’m not sure it is entirely blog friendly. But too bad. Not sure it was all that useful for me even. It seems like I do these rants every now and then, and where do they get me? Not much of anywhere.

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