7:30 am
Well it was lovely and almost unbearably hot yesterday. Did I manage to pull any boxes out of the sunroom and air out any fleeces? No. And today – it is raining. Tomorrow is supposed to be ok, but then rain for days.
I am feeling down and out, in fact shitty. Is it from the awards ceremony last night? Somehow it left me feeling crappy. All this talk about the pressure kids are under these days, and then there is something like this whole ceremony the entire premise of which is competition. And why didn’t Gwin every single award offered? After all, I know she is an incredible, smart, hard-working, perfect kid. There’s just something inherently wrong about it. She won some music awards, but the feeling from that is as if music is all she does, while the truth is she spends a lot of time on her school work and she is incredibly independent, never asks me for help at all. I wish we could give parent awards where we could say how great our kids are.
I plucked Cassandra yesterday. I snipped one of her toenails which started bleeding, then I think I must have screwed up and snipped it again (same nail) and then it really started bleeding. I do have some sort of stick, but it doesn’t seem very effective, and man she was bleeding a lot. Then I was finishing her up and noticed that she had a big break in her skin just by her tail. I didn’t snip anything there, so it must have just torn. I felt so bad. I did sew it up, but not particularly well. Poor bun. I hope she is not too stressed. I had also just bred her in the morning, but I didn’t want to put her back with Bart after all that. I will try this morning. When we got back from the awards ceremony, it just started to rain – a violent crashing thunderstorm. I grabbed in the laundry, then had to feed the buns. It was a bit dramatic.
The awards ceremony is also why there was no time for Evening Pages. Before I did the bun, I had to cook some meat that I had left marinating while we were away. So I did that, which took forever because I needed to bone it. I left it to simmer, and did Cassandra. By the time that was done, it was getting close to when K would get home, but the meat needed to cook more, to get really tender, so I decided I would make omelets for supper, but I wanted to meditate first, which I started to do, but aborted when I thought I heard K come home and I realized that really, time was tight if we were going to eat and get to the awards night. So I just started cooking (it wasn’t K, but just as well) and we just had time to eat and get out the door. Of course nothing much got cleaned up, in part because the dishwasher was clean and there was no time to empty and then fill it. So that needs to be done. And what about the laundry? I guess I’ll put it on the rack inside. And do about 10 more loads, which I guess I can hope to put out tomorrow in the brief rainless interval.
As ever I am dwelling on the ToDos. The duties, the needs, the obligations, the should, the musts. How dull. And I’m not even “working.” My time should be my own. I should be feeling foot-loose and fancy-free. Instead I feel burdened and weighed down and rather miserable.
On top of the other stuff, I THINK that perhaps I am doing the RiverFest on Saturday (after cleaning up from the Senior Party). I guess I’d better find out. I hope I can find a phone number. I’m not really so terribly excited about it. I guess I’d better get my head into a new place around it. Not plan or expect to actually sell much, just take it as it comes, try to have fun. Get myself psyched to meet lots of people. You know, it is kind of a funny thing to spend time doing for someone who is at heart an introvert. Well, this time of year when I am not around a lot of people most of the day, it should be ok.
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