Evening Pages...

9:30 pm

                Here we go, Evening Pages. Will it work?? It’s late and pretty close to time to go to sleep and I still need to brush my teeth etc. K is off at a friend’s. G has gone off to a party, though not before we had a lovely time watching my first ever episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I always wanted to see it, but now I know that to be honest, I have not missed much over all these years. And it reinforces what I already knew, and have known since about 1972 – that pretty much all TV is garbage. But still, it was fun to actually be invited to watch it with her. And yes, Buffy does kick major ass.

                What else comprised my day? Well, I managed to pluck two bunnies, Chrysanthemum and Angel. Angel was due, but wasn’t really shedding and has a very thick coat of short hair, so I’ll check again in a month. Chrysanthemum the Nasty (as in Monty Python Killer Rabbit) needed it, but I was still able to leave a pretty thick coat which is good since it is now mosquito season. There are still a few that I must do – Crystal I believe and maybe Bathsheba. I also finished the dark grey skeins – I finished the last bit of singles and then plied and wound off 4 skeins. I think I still have about 4 skeins worth measured out to spin. What else? I emptied and filled the dishwasher, whoop-de-do. I made a loaf of bread that actually came out quite good. I started it in the bread machine, then did the final rise and bake in a regular pan. That’s about it. Oh, except I also got a ride to University Drive to get blood drawn for a blood test, then stopped into CVS and Big Y before walking over to the Credit Union and finally walking home. All with Tigger in tow, so I guess he’ll sleep well tonight. It feels good to do errands by walking that way, instead of always driving around.

                So is this what these Evening Pages will be – a litany each night of my every move? I picked up an old journal a couple nights ago and it was pretty interesting to look at – most of it was ToDo list after ToDo list. And most of the things were checked off, but so many of the items were also really mundane things like “empty the dishwasher,” “laundry,” pluck bunny.” Nothing changes. I did also notice, this was 2 years ago, that there was a lot I worked on then for writing up knitting instructions. What I must do now, is the kit thing. Take the instructions and combine them with some yarn and see if that sells. All that work I did and it does not seem to be very effective. I don’t feel like I am able to make very many sales. And boy it sure is a lot of work. What the fuck is the point of it all???????? To placate K so he feels like I am not just “wasting my time”? to placate myself for the same reason? Another point I suppose is that I make so much yarn and knitted stuff, what else am I going to do with it? I’m sure there are more useful effective ways I could spend my time, but I LIKE doing this stuff. Although of course it also gets burdensome. I think it is good that I have cut back a bit on the number of rabbits I have. I’m now down to 8 breeding females, 3 males – though Radish and Caruso will be leaving soon. I have to decide if I will keep any of the babes from these last few litters. And maybe there will be new babies in a few weeks. But I also fear that there is a problem with some of the females being too fat and that may be why they have not bred successfully. Perhaps I need to cut back their rations some.

                Blah blah blah. Surely there are more interesting things to write about. Tornadoes, fair follow-up crap, global warming? So many things that are worrisome. As ever I have been noticing how easy it is for me to get feeling anxious and worried about lots of things. In fact, while walking I got to thinking for some reason about all the things I do not like. And it might be worth it to list them – to get it out of my system.

Invasive plants

Living someplace where there is so much pavement

Living in a society that values such crappy things that I do not value – like fancy cars, having junk, crappy food……….

Out health system – that it is so institutional and there are so many tests and things to get done

And that it is so expensive

Things like E. coli outbreaks and AIDS that are so worrisome.

                So this is good. I think I will continue this list and perhaps help myself purge some of the bad feelings that it does no good to have.

                I liked doing pages this way!

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