Depression

8 am
    I am depressed and I’m tired of feeling this way. How much is situational, and how much is chemical/organic is an interesting question. Last year sometime I upped the amount of antidepressant I take, I had been taking just a tiny amount, then I doubled it. It is still a pretty small amount as these things go. I’m sure my doctor would be fine with changing my prescription to make it a bit stronger, but I hate to do that. I don’t like taking medication. Of course, most people it seems feel that way. But it also sucks to feel so often like I am slogging my way through a vat of molasses. It’s worst in the morning (when I write morning pages! Is it obvious?) and also when I have to drive anywhere. I’m glad I can usually take the bus to work, because then I can knit and that helps a lot. I have to be careful not to listen to too much news on the radio because oh boy that can be depressing for anyone. And it does not help when most conversations with K involve him venting about something awful, whether it be how terrible things are at work, or how terrible things are for his mother, or how badly the students he works with on the Spring Break trips behave, or how terrible the renters at the rental house are behaving….. it is terrible! Either that or he talks about the dog. The only cheerful thing is to go on and on about the dog. How funny this or that is. He buzzed Tigger’s toenails last night and then went on and on about how quiet he now is – stealth corgi – stuff like that. No more Click and Clack the tappet corgi. It’s amusing to a certain point, I will hand it to him, he comes up with excellent puns, that is one of his fortes, but it gets wearing.
    I guess I am just in major complaining mood. Perhaps because I was so tired last night. And work, though stimulating and interesting, is also pretty hard this fall. G warned me that he would be teaching by the seat of his pants, he has never taught this course with these labs, and so we are somewhat winging it. It just makes for a lot more work, as I must do more prep and we need to spend time trying things out and seeing how they work. I really screwed up yesterday because of my lack of experience with Excel. We had thought to do a very mini tutorial on graphing their results, but we were also trying to leave them lots of leeway to decide for themselves what and how to graph – make them actually think things through. So it was not a matter of show them how to make this graph. And that got me caught up because while I am fine with making bar graphs, I am not so great with scatter plots comparing 2 variables, especially if they are to average several values for each. I need my own little tutorial and that will take time. It was frustrating, though the rest of lab went well, and it was fun having the mice and toads to play with.
    Next exhausting thing is this 350 event. It generated at least a hundred emails into my box yesterday! Overload! Once I get a move on this morning I will have to deal with some of that. I don’t really want to at the moment. The one good thing about this event is that it will all happen and be done on 10/10. That is a big part of why I agreed to do so much for it.
    I decided not to completely put away all the dyeing stuff, even though I did manage to exhaust all my dye, because I’m not too thrilled with some of the colors (of the exhausting stuff) so I think I will set up a few pots to over-dye them (oh dear, the potential exists for a Never-ending dye-pot). When? Well maybe I will put some in the solar dyer today as it is supposed to be sunny. And other than that, it will have to wait for Sunday as Friday I must get ready for the Fiber Twist.
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