Passivity

8:30 am
    Writing at the farm, we got here around 4 yesterday.
    I am a terribly passive person. I’ve thought about that before. And one of my strongest motivations is to not annoy anyone. It comes, I think, of being the youngest of 4 sisters, and being thus by definition, annoying. So what it means is that I spend a lot of time gauging others to figure out their needs and wants so I can be sure to comply. I think that is a common female thing, and maybe just more so for me. That really came into play last weekend when my first reaction, on hearing of the trouble with Tigger, was that I had to take him away from there so he would no longer bother anyone. It often keeps me from doing something, because I don’t want to bother anyone. The passivity goes beyond that, though. Like last night. I was knitting and that was ok. I also brought up with me the fleece the ends of which need flicking so I can card it. And I brought my wheel and some stuff to work on to try to make some bouclé yarn. But the idea of getting all that out seemed like too much effort. And before leaving town yesterday we went to the library where I got several book cds. It would have been easy enough to put them into the player here and listened, something I like to do, but it seemed like too much bother and I would have had to clear it with K who was kind of reading, and looking stuff up on the computer. But he wasn’t really reading because he had left his book at home, and was instead flipping through other books he brought but none of them appealed. So he was looking up random stuff on the computer and I don’t see why a book on cd would have been terribly disruptive. But I was too passive to get that set up. So instead I knit a bit, and every now and then would read a bit of Portrait of a Lady which is kind of dull right now. I did glance at the intro and almost immediately read something about Isabel (the protagonist) as fitting in with the world of Becky Sharpe, Emma Bovary, other adulterous women…. Aha! Perhaps it will get more interesting soon. It sure is dull with her married to that creep.
    Ramble ramble ramble. We did manage yesterday morning to get the rest of the basement stuff cleared out in prep for the workers coming Tuesday. Today I must get over to Justin’s to get the hay. I think I will wait until afternoon, it being Sunday and all. And it is going to take a bunch of trips – can we fit 5 bales in the car? That would be good – 4 trips. If we can only fit 4 then it means 5 trips. I’m hoping we can leave by mid afternoon. Tonight I MUST make 350 phone calls. As in calls re the 350.org group, not 350 calls! Though it might feel like that many. Especially since, being someone who hates to annoy people, I hate making potentially annoying phone calls asking for something.
    I also realize that, since I often lack initiative, it is best to put myself in situations where I just plain have to do things. Thus the advantage of work. And it if had not been for K pushing me, I probably wouldn’t have taken the job I now have, which in many ways is perfect for me. And when I first applied I was so intimidated and hated the interview and wanted nothing to do with any of it. So much for my judgment. Anyway, what I need to do is go through the process of getting that tax number and what not, become registered as a business, and then apply to sell at a bunch of fairs, like the Deerfield one. If I am scheduled to sell at them, it will perhaps goad me to put together more sellable items.
    Time to meditate. But, oh dear, what if K comes downstairs and I am meditating? It might really annoy him……..
Visit my new Etsy Shop!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/twistedmysteries