7:30 am
I woke up this morning feeling like garbage. Actually terrified, or maybe that is too strong, just really scared. Why I do not know. In fact I still feel that way. It is kind of a churning in my belly, so maybe it has nothing to do with scared, and is just my belly and my brain is interpreting it that way. I decided to meditate, which I have not been doing at all. Didn’t exactly help much. And I think I will not run this morning. I am hoping to meet a friend in town later, so I will walk there, and I must get to the CVS to pick up my welbutrin prescription, so I think I will walk home the long way like that.
Went to the 350 meeting last night. Maybe that is part of why I feel crappy. There were a lot of people there, so that is good I suppose. I did not have to run it which is great. I suppose the meeting went well, with some decent ideas tossed around. I did realize that the event is scheduled for Sept 24 – duh!! That is the Apple Harvest Festival, so I will be busy with a booth all day. So I can help with planning and all that, but I won’t be there for the day itself. Or only for a tiny part if I get someone to help with the booth. Won’t be G, that is for sure, as she will be in NC. Which may be part of the feeling sick thing because as I think about it now, I feel sick to my stomach. Oh crap. She worked all day yesterday and the day before at the farm, for the next three days she is helping out at some conductor’s class. I assume she will play clarinet in some sort of groups that people get to practice conducting. Sounds intriguing and I hope it will be fun for her. I think it is going to be long days. Friday they are all going to Tanglewood, but she is not going with them. They are finishing on Saturday, but she is not doing that, either. L will be home Friday night (I bet that it will be late). Then Saturday she has said she intends to look for shoes. I wonder if she would possibly let me come along. Not to help with the shoe part, just to be with her. And I wonder if G will go with her. Maybe they will just want to go together. Probably. But boy I sure wish I could be with them. It is such an odd twist. Remember when it was so hard to get out for an evening? G would get so upset if I left. And leaving L with a babysitter was terrible. They just wanted to be with me. And now?? Ha. Tables are turned, eh? I miss them so much and I am so sad. I know, once it all happens and they are both just gone, I will be ok. I will adjust and I’ll be so busy with work and it will be ok. Most of the time. Not all the time. I will still miss them terribly. And if I let myself think about it I will still get really sad. It’s just that I’m pretty good at keeping myself busy and not letting myself think about it too much. We, as a species, are pretty good at compartmentalizing and keeping things at bay. Which I suppose is a problem when we do boneheaded things like ignore environmental degradation, or looming disasters that could be averted if we put energy into working on them. Of course, then there are things like this looming debt ceiling crisis and it is hard to see how an individual like me can do much. I did write a note to Scott Brown our “illustrious” new senator, and I even did it before Obama asked us all to do it. But I doubt very much that it will make any difference at all to Scott Brown. And what kind of difference will anything we do around the 350 day have? The people that already know and care will just be vaguely reinforced, I very much doubt that we will change the minds of anyone who does not agree. And most people will not be aware in the least that it even happened.
I think I will hang out laundry, feed the buns, and then finish spinning my angora. In spite of having a crappy day yesterday (I felt really sick all afternoon after eating the carrot casserole for lunch), I managed to nearly finish the final single bobbin. Then I will ply and spool them off and be ready to wash. Next will be the pale green and meanwhile I should get out the blue stuff and decide what to combine to make some blue yarn for my niece’s mittens.
Right now I still feel sick to my stomach. I have yet to have my psillium. I think I’ll start some oat bran cooking. I had granola yesterday – that might be a bit too coarse, and besides I finished it.
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