Getting Up and Going

8:30 am

                The ides of December. Mid-December.  A week to the solstice. For some reason this year the darkness has been getting to me. Maybe because I’ve had to get up so early – taking the bus most days at 6:45 and it is barely light then. Well soon that will start changing… anyway, I no longer have to get in for an 8:30 class. Next semester they start at 10, what a luxury. I will be able to get in at 8:30 and have plenty of time to run before lecture.

                Some mornings (speaking generally here, not about the earliness) it is just hard to want to get out of bed. The reality is that if I am in the routine of hauling myself up to feed buns etc so I can get on the bus and get to the gym/class/etc it is actually easier. Once that routine breaks down and it is left up to my own initiative somehow to get up and going it is harder. It is just hard lately to have anything inspiring me to get up. And once I am up and doing things I am finding that there are times I just have to get out of my head. Too many negative thoughts swirl around. Which may be part of why Morning Pages is good – it helps me get some of all that out of my head. Doesn’t stop it entirely, but helps. And so thus why they are so often negative I suppose. Not that I am ALWAYS negative. And when I am up and about and around other people, at work or where ever I am usually not so negative. But alone those thoughts tend to come. Which I suppose is why I so much like to have the radio on, or listen to a book on cd. Because then the weird thing is that I truly like to be alone a lot. Being too much with other people is exhausting. I am truly an introvert bc I get re-energized by being alone. Even though I like being with people. Oh it is complicated. And now, I truly will be more alone soon, as both girls will be leaving. G leaves next week on her train ride to Portland OR; L comes back after Xmas but her idea is that she will move into a room in a place the next town over. She does not want to live here anymore. I do understand it, really I do. It makes perfect sense and she is right that we will all get on better if she is somewhere else. But it also makes me terribly sad. I’ve gotten so used to having G around, and we get along well so it is really fun to have her come home from her day at the farm and we can chat. But of course it is better that she is going off back to school. And if that doesn’t work out so well, she’ll figure out something else. Still it is just hard to have them go, each time a little farther, a little more permanently.

                Well one thing I needed to get up for today is that a guy who bought a rabbit several months ago is coming for help with clipping his bunny. He’ll be here at 9, it is 8:30 now. I guess I’d better eat something, get the buns fed and otherwise ready.

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