Post Fair

8:30 am

                Aftermath of the fair day. Meaning I need to unpack the car and put everything away. Won’t be that bad really. I already put a few things into the rental house garage bc we were over there last night (so K could get somebody’s rent and then to go to P and P’s for supper which was nice except that I drank too much wine). This morning I will take out what goes here, then bring the rest of the stuff that goes to the rental house. THEN I must start in on those walls. Need to get going on that right away bc I don’t know how long it will really take. Then tonight K is showing The Big Lebowski  at the Lutheran church. An attempt to get students there doing something they will like. Not sure if any will show. But maybe I will go.

                Right now I desperately need to fill my bucket by sitting here writing, then I need to meditate. Then eat something, I am really hungry. I don’t want to go to Black Sheep, I am getting sick of their greasy pastries. Maybe we should switch our Sunday morning routine to Raos, or to Loose Goose. Well I don’t think we’re going anywhere this morning because it is already kind of late, I must do all the stuff I must do, and K wants to go to Wesley.

                Major existential crisis over the whole fair thing. I had a rather crummy day yesterday, sold just barely enough to cover the entry fee. Well, part of me of course wants to continue to support the Family Center, but not sure that is the best way to do it. I could just give them $100. I could offer to do some sort of demo spinning thing. It is just so discouraging to be there all day and not sell much of anything. And why am I doing it anyway? Is making money my main focus in life? I do realize that I do not really make enough to support myself. Though these days, with my ¾ time salary, plus the room rental, it is pretty close. Alone I might not be able to afford the house, but then I could rent more rooms if I were actually alone. I started doing the selling thing as a way to justify my hobby. I was feeling pressure from K. He kept asking things like why don’t you sell those sweaters you make? It is discouraging to see others that have probably not been doing this fair thing so long seeming to have more success. Certainly other booths I saw looked much more polished. Mine always seems so thrown together. What is the point of working so hard to make more money? I don’t feel like we need all that much money. Well, K needs it to go on his trips. I don’t even want to know how much his trip out west with his friend cost. But I don’t feel a need for those kinds of things. There is also the issue of what to do with all the stuff I make. After all, giving it away can be a problem as people don’t always like the things they get. At least if they buy it, presumably they want it. Except that often they buy things to give to someone else, so who knows if the recipient wanted it. One solution might be to try again with weaving. My original plan there was to take up weaving as a way to more quickly use yarn that I spun. I cannot knit fast enough to use what I spin, but weaving is faster and uses more yarn. I could finish the rugs I started and then try using my own yarn for a warp and weave something. A shawl for starters, eventually a nice thick blanket. And really eventually some fabric that I could use to make clothing. Really, after all, there are projects for people that I have not done because I seem so busy making stuff for the booth. I have the lined mittens for my niece. The idea of an angora union suit for L. and what about making something lovely from my tanned skins? I put one of the recently finished ones into a bag of cornmeal to clean the fur itself. It seems to have worked pretty well. I will need to get lots more cornmeal and do the rest. Then I need to actually make something. As far as fairs go, there is the Hartsbrook Fair, and the Winter Fest to go this fall. I have plenty of stuff spun for those, what I could stand to do is get more just angora stuff knit up – some hats, some smaller scarf type things.

                Time to think about: feed buns, eat breakfast (oat bran woo hooo), unload the car here, unload the car there. Then start on the walls. Not particularly exciting, any of it. I guess I’ll listen to Mill while I do some of those things. What else can cheer me? Boy I don’t know. I am feeling pretty darn glum and discouraged. Kind of green around the gills. Still have this cold too, which doesn’t help. Oh, before anything else I will meditate, which I hope will help.

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